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 There is so much freedom in letting go of past pain, but often there is such a struggle letting go of the things that hurt us.  I have been one of those who struggled to forgive those who have hurt me and the pain they inflicted upon me. I wore the grudge and the pain like a badge of honor when it was really just a bag weighing me down day by day.  Can you relate?  If so, go with me a little deeper.

When we carry the pain of our past, we are actually blocking ourselves from experiencing all of the good things life has in store for us.  We become a slave to the person who hurt us while they happily move on with their lives. I remember my last break-up really stung.   I was hurt that he had the audacity to break up with me when all along I was planning to break up with him first.  That was only part of it though.  He said some really ugly things that I carried deep in my heart, and they stayed there. 

Black & White Portrait of an Attractive

I heard his words repeatedly in my mind telling me I was a mean person and a bad mother, amongst other insensitive things.  Ouch!  I found myself crying and in tears for many days. I cried, and he lived.  I felt trapped in my emotions, and he obviously felt free in his. How did I know this?  One day I visited his Facebook page, and it appeared that he was living his best life. It was as if he did not care one bit about the pain he caused me, and I was just a memory.  That was the moment I had an epiphany. I realized that it wasn’t him or anyone else that was holding me hostage to my pain.  It was me.  At that moment, I decided that I would free myself from the pain I felt and live. Why should I allow what someone did to me stop me from living and being happy?  So, I did the one thing I needed to do to move and embrace my life.  I forgave him, and I released him from my heart. Not only did I forgive him, but I also forgave every other person who had hurt or disappointed me, and suddenly the emotional baggage got lighter and lighter.  Joy returned to me, and I opened myself up to receiving everything I envisioned I could have.

 So can I encourage you real quick?  If you are carrying pain and holding grudges, forgive that person.  I know it sounds cliche, but forgiveness is for you. It’s okay if those old memories of who hurt you creep up. Forgive them again, because sometimes forgiveness is a daily thing! Take your power back, and don’t block your blessings! Watch the blessings flow as soon as you decide to forgive. 


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Shonda Mayes was born and raised in the Hampton Roads/757 area of Virginia. Considered a “Jackie of all Trades,” Shonda has many talents. Gifted in writing and public speaking, Shonda decided to answer the call on her life and use her life experiences to help other people. She’s down-to-earth and relatable due to the many life experiences that have molded her into the woman she is today. Her authenticity and transparency have allowed her to connect with others on a different level. Shonda also has a huge love for acting and was cast as Yvette from the popular “Pitbulls in a Skirt” book series by Mikal Malone. It was her first major acting role, and she fell in love with the art of bringing characters to life. Shonda hopes to pursue her dream of acting in the future. Shonda currently resides in the Atlanta metro area with her two beautiful daughters. She hosts her own podcast, Just Shonda, where she and her guests discuss real-life issues. She currently has several writing projects she is working on slated to be released later in 2021 and early 2022

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