ASK ANGEL ~ ADVICE COLUMN
I was snooping through my partner's gym bag and found a bottle of Viagra. As far as I know, he hasn't used it with me although lately, we have been having issues in the bedroom. I want to ask him about it because I want to know if he's using it with someone else or if it is for us. But I don't want him to know I was snooping and not trust me.
You have to ask him! Take the "L" on the snooping but you need to know. But don't make him feel "confronted" make him feel comforted. He may feel embarrassed. And don't take it personally if it is something he intends to use with you. Sometimes the lack of performance isn't even about you. It could be a number of things, age, anxiety, or even diet. Just be loving in your approach and as far as the snooping goes...you weren't "really" snooping but looking for something he usually keeps in his bag. Focus on the subject and not how it came to light. You'll be fine, but ask because you want to know what is going on with your man. Did you count them? Maybe he is using them with you and you just don't know. But definitely ask.
Dear Angel, I recently found out that my boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me. He got someone pregnant as a result of it. We were planning on being engaged at Christmas. Like we went and picked out rings and everything. I told him let's wait and see. He regrets it and will do whatever I want to try to repair our relationship. I want to walk away. I love him tho. What do I do?
Dear Torn, Girl run!!
That’s what I want to tell you, but I’ll just tell you my take on this. It must be something in the water there are a whole bunch of secret babies popping up these days... I digress.
Are you strong enough to deal with the situation at hand? An outside child and the woman who your boyfriend cheated with? For the rest of your life? It can and does work out for some couples, but it’s hard work and takes an infinite amount of emotional strength. You have to ask yourself is it worth it? The man you love created a child with another woman. He cheated, lied, had unprotected sex, and ultimately betrayed your trust BEFORE the vows. Getting married won’t change any of this. It speaks to a man’s character when he does these things. We as women have to decide if it’s worthwhile to hold on or let go in the eye of betrayal. That’s the hard part and while I can’t tell you what to do, I can tell you for certain, the fight “for” is much harder than the failure.
I am thinking of having weight loss surgery in about three months. I am currently single but dating. I know the men that I attract love the thickness of me and I'm worried they wont be as attractive as I lose the weight. I also heard they might get turned off of the saggy skin I might acquire. Should I even have the surgery?
Signed, Weighed Down
* Dear Weighed Down
Are you having the surgery for yourself or men? That is what you need to figure out. If you are truly doing it for yourself then everyone else should “adjust” to what you are doing for yourself and your happiness. If this surgery is what it takes to make YOU happy I’m all for it! I’ve read there are procedures for after surgery to eliminate saggy skin. But please make this decision all about you! Everything and everyone will fall in where it is supposed to... IF it is supposed to. Good luck! Keep me posted and send pictures!!
My friend circle is small and includes some of the opposite sex. I am a 29 year old female and I have sexed about five of our friends. Three of those friends were guys. One of them is someone I've been talking to regularly and he has expressed interest in getting to know me. I havent had sex with him but I'm wondering if he heard about me and that's why he hit me up. Or should I forget that and believe that his pursuing is genuine. What should I do?
Signed, Six Degrees
Dear Six Degrees,
Okay. You answered your own questions! You said your circle is small so you can pretty much bet money he “heard” about you. What you should start doing is looking for companionship outside of this little circle. What is it about these men that you are attracted to? I’ll just be real here. You don’t want to be “that” girl. The one who everyone ran through... the girl that smashed the homies. Believe me. That’s not a good look. Just take some time to figure out what you’re truly looking for and want. This guy may just want to see what all the talk is about and he’s going to say whatever he needs to say so it doesn’t appear obvious and after he hits then he’ll switch. I could be wrong but from what you said... intuition tells me I’m right. Be careful, go slow and pay attention! Good luck!